Friday, November 5, 2010

STAGES OF LIFE: male vs. female

MALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGE: DRINK
17 - Beer
25 - Bourbon
35 - Vodka
48 - Double vodka
66 - Maalox

AGE: SEDUCTION LINE
17 - My parents are away for the weekend
25 - My girlfriend is away for the weekend
35 - My fiance is away for the weekend.
48 - My wife is away for the weekend
66 - My second wife is dead.

AGE: FAVORITE SPORT
17 - Sex
25 - Sex
35 - Sex
48 - Sex
66 - Napping

AGE: DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 - Tongue
25 - Breakfast
35 - She didn't set back my therapy.
48 - I didn't have to meet her kids.
66 - Got home alive

AGE: FAVORITE FANTASY
17 - Getting to third
25 - Airplane sex
35 - Menage a trois
48 - Taking the company public
66 - Swiss maid/Nazi love slave

AGE: WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 : 25
25 : 35
35 : 48
48 : 66
66 : 17

AGE: IDEAL DATE
17 - Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
25 - Split the check before we go back to my place
35 - Just come over.
48 - Just come over and cook.
66 - Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.

and..................

THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGE: DRINK
17 - Wine Coolers
25 - White wine
35 - Red wine
48 - Dom Perignon
66 - Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

AGE: EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17 - Need to wash my hair
25 - Need to wash and condition my hair
35 - Need to color my hair
48 - Need to have Francois color my hair
66 - Need to have Francois color my wig

AGE: FAVORITE SPORT
17 - Shopping
25 - Shopping
35 - Shopping
48 - Shopping
66 - Shopping

AGE: DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 - Burger King
25 - Free meal
35 - A diamond
48 - A bigger diamond
66 - Home Alone

AGE: FAVORITE FANTASY
17 - Tall, dark and handsome
25 - Tall, dark and handsome with money
35 - Tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 - A man with hair
66 - A man

AGE: WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 : 17
25 : 25
35 : 35
48 : 48
66 : 66

AGE: IDEAL DATE
17 - He offers to pay
25 - He pays
35 - He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 - He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 - He can chew breakfast

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