Jokes II

Quick Wit:

To me, an elevator is a coffin on a string. Dangling over an abyss. Remember the plane crash in the Andes? When the survivors ate the dead passengers? I'm not proud of this but when I take an elevator, I bring a knife and fork and pray for fat passengers.

-- Carolyn May

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The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office.

"What's your name?" he asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ... That's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling."

"Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . "

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Quick Wit:

Teacher: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
Parent: What's that?
Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.

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Mystery Solved

It seems that when the good Lord was making the world, he called Man aside and bestowed upon him 20 years of normal sex life. Man was horrified, but the Creator refused to budge.

Then the Lord called the monkey and gave him 20 years, "But I don't need 20 years," the monkey said "Ten years is plenty". Man spoke up and said "May I have the other 10 years?" the monkey agreed.

The Lord called on the lion and also gave him 20 years. The lion, too wanted only 10. Again, Man spoke up. "May I have the other 10 years?" "Of course," said the lion.

Then came the donkey, who also was given 20 years. Like the others, 10 years was enough for him. Man again asked for the spare 10 years, and he got them.

This explains why Man has 20 years of normal sex life, 10 years of monkeying around, 10 years of lion about it and 10 years of making a jackass out of himself.