Wacky Signs

from http://www.insanepictures.com/

At gas cafeterias through the nation:
Eat here and get gas.

At a Santa Fe gas station:
We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.

In a New Hampshire jewelry store:
Ears pierced while you wait.

In a New York restaurant:
Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.

On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
--Sisters of Mercy

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
38 years on the same spot.

In a Los Angeles dance hall:
Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.

On a movie theater:
Childrens matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with child.

In a Florida maternity ward:
No children allowed.

In a New York drugstore:
We dispense with accuracy

On a New Hampshire medical building:
Martin Diabetes Professional Ass.

In the offices of a loan company:
Ask about our plans for owning your home.

In a New York medical building:
Mental Health Prevention Center

In a toy department:
Five Santa Clauses -- No waiting!

On a New York convalescent home:
For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.

On a Maine shop:
Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.

At a number of military bases:
Restricted to unauthorized personnel.

On a display of "I love you only" valentine cards:
Now available in multi-packs.

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
Dont kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.

In a funeral parlor:
Ask about our layaway plan.

In a clothing store:
Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.

In a Tacoma, Washington mens clothing store:
15 mens wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!

On a shopping mall marquee:
Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced

Outside a country shop:
We buy junk and sell antiques.

On a Pennsylvania highway:
Drive carefully. Auto accidents kill most people 15 to 19.

In downtown Boston:
Calahan Tunnel -- No end

In the window of an Oregon store:
Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?

In a Maine restaurant:
Open 7 days a week and weekends.

In a New Jersey restaurant:
Open 11 AM to 11 PM midnight.

In front of a New Hampshire restaurant:
Now serving live lobsters.

On a radiator repair garage:
Best place to take a leak.

On a movie marquee:
Now playing: ADAM AND EVE with a cast of thousands!

In the vestry of a New England church:
Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.

In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.

On a roller coaster:
Watch your head.

On the grounds of a public school:
No tresspassing without permission.

In a library:
Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops taking it away.

On a Tennessee highway:
When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash:
If you can't read this, its time to wash your car.

And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says,
"Do not throw stones at this sign."

Sign on a variety store in Westbrook, Maine:
"Free Cigarettes with purchase of matches - $2.00"

Sign in front of a hardware store, right next to the variety store above, on a display of rolled-up grass/sod ("Instantlawn"):
"Pssst! Wanna buy some grass?

In a Mom-and-Pop variety store in Groton, Mass.:
"Our new Credit Manager is Helen Waite. If you want credit go to Helen Waite."

And, in a pizza joint:
"We made a deal with the bank - they don't make pizzas and we don't cash checks."

Seen in a Church:
Would parishioners please note that the bowl to the rear of the church that says "For the sick" is for monetary contributions only. Thank you.